It Was Hard since the Beginning

Journal, Writer's Articles

Dear Friend,

As I practice on, I thought the tracks would gradually be smoother than it initially was. I was wrong. The plain steeped into a slope with rocks, holes, and lumps.

I typed this partly because I never thought creating and continuing an email ministry could take so much out of me. Then there’s the new Book E which He wants me to start soon.

The literary romance novel may be one of the biggest projects I will write (the allegorical might be as big or even bigger). It may involve layers of complex moral themes and perhaps, multiple main characters. It’s outside my craft level and my comfort zone. The reason is that I dislike the genre. Then again, it’s not a typical romance book. Think War & Peace style, but less intimidating. Now that I think about it. Should it even be categorised as a romance? Or is it merely a literary fiction with romantic elements? Anyway. . .although I love reading and writing themes, this project will be far too complex for me to even plan. Yet, He wanted me to write it. I rather write a straightforward plot with simpler themes. He chose a multitude of mountain ranges while I eyed the hills. No. He wanted the ranges. Thus, I conceded.

Pondering on when I started writing seriously, I realised it has always been arduous. And it will be more arduous as I trudge forward. The serpent offered me thoughts of quitting and will continue to do so. I admit, I accepted his lies multiple times throughout the journey. Whenever that happens, the Conductor urged me

Don’t stop!

“I can’t. It’s too hard.” I replied.

Then lean on Me.


Thus, I gave up depending on myself again, and again. It’s impossible for me to climb. But as long as I look at Him instead of the mountains nor myself, the Train can go through ranges.


“Trust ye in the LORD for ever: for in the LORD JEHOVAH is everlasting strength:”

Isaiah 26:4 KJV




Friend, it was actually difficult since the day I accepted Christ as my Saviour. He even said it Himself that life will have challenges and sufferings. If the Christian journey is smooth sailing the entire way, then why do I need Him?



“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.”

John 16:33 KJV (Emphasis added)




Very Sincerely Yours,
Clarissa Choo-Choo Train

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Clarissa is a vessel used for Christ’s glory. Although she’d lived in four countries, Heaven is her only Home. She desires to sow His seeds, and to serve third culture kids, teens, and writers. Peek into her Christian TCK Email Ministry. Or read more posts.

Switching the Turnout

Journal

Dear Friend,

The Conductor halted my second draft in mid-June. The place where He stopped in the plot baffled me. Soon, I realised cutting it short amplifies the theme. Thus, by His strength and wisdom, I completed Book B’s rewrite (from what I saw, I might rewrite it again in the future). His timing was perfect because I wasn’t expecting to be undergoing a period of grief the week after.

For July, I wanted to start one of my two new projects: Book C & E. Yes, after praying, I believe the Conductor wants me to write Book C. It was initially meant to be written leisurely not seriously. It helped me to be creative without the boundaries of storytelling rules. Now that He wants me to write it seriously, I have to start again from its beginning. The question is, when? My hand reached for the project. Howbeit, He switched the tracks and I faced left instead of right.

I found myself writing non-fiction nearly every day. The amount was large to me as a fiction writer that I had cravings for fiction. He told me to hold it off ’til the right time.

“And then I’ll start the allegory?” I asked. Like a child, I excitedly shook in my seat.

No. My shoulders fell. Book F. Alas! I currently long to jump straight into the ball pit of allegories. For years (literally, since I was eight), I desired to write allegories, and I’m so close to it, but no.

Perhaps, I wasn’t ready for that yet. Perhaps, He still wants me to improve in crafting themes.


Then recently. . . He gave me a new idea of writing allegorical short stories for families.

“May I write it alongside Book F?”

I wait for His answer.


Very Sincerely Yours,
Clarissa Choo-Choo Train

~

Clarissa is a vessel used for Christ’s glory. Although she’d lived in four countries, Heaven is her only Home. She desires to sow His seeds, and to serve third culture kids, teens, and writers. Peek into her Christian TCK Email Ministry. Or read more posts.

When Grief Hits

Journal

Dear Friend,

Another memory triggered pain in my chest and threatened tears to spill. I didn’t will myself to think of it, yet it comes by itself, vivid and hard.

It was bricks beating my forehead; it was a snake tightening itself around my head, squeezing ’til I struggle to do a simple task. It continued each day for a week. During this period, words stopped flowing as I built a barrier to hold the triggers and tears at bay. The Conductor told me no, that I must release. He reminded me He cried too when Lazarus died.


“Jesus wept.”

John 11:35 KJV



I gave in. The barrier broke.

A river of memories inundated my mind while pain ripped my chest and tears overflowed. I clung unto Him, begging Him to pull me out of this pit. Then gradually, sorrow turned sweet. My fingers slowly formed words and sentences; this process alleviated the impact from the snake and bricks. I talked with friends, releasing more tension.

The river trickled into drops of water. When it dripped, I tasted honey. Then I found myself embraced by His grace.


Very Sincerely Yours,
Clarissa Choo-Choo Train

~

Clarissa is a vessel used for Christ’s glory. Although she’d lived in four countries, Heaven is her only Home. She desires to sow His seeds, and to serve third culture kids, teens, and writers. Peek into her Christian TCK Email Ministry. Or read more posts.

The Country

Journal

The Train started to leave for another land, heaviness weighed upon my chest while I swept my surroundings, burning images into my mind. Fresh memories of individuals whom I connected with in the former land flashed before me. My heart ached with a familiar sorrow I experienced many times. I prayed I never forget them. The Conductor led me to them, but for a season, and now He is leading me towards new faces.

During the season in the former land, the Train made several stops. People stepped on to travel with me. I became close to some while others stood afar off. Initially, I had difficulty communicating for their language was different. I tried to learn, but thought it fruitless because I knew the Train would leave this land soon. Instead, the Conductor brought me people with the same language as me into my compartment. One of whom became closer to me than the others. That is, until the Conductor informed her last stop. She stepped out.

Sure, there were individuals who stepped out of my Train, but when she walked out, she stepped upon the Country of eternity. The Country where the Conductor have not told me to alight yet.

She left swiftly that I barely noticed her departure. I realised she left when her presence is not present in my compartment. My mind paused. I was speechless. Emotions trickled in and I held them at bay, afraid of losing control. I gave in, and they overflowed me.

Grief. I have experienced it many times, but not like this. The words that leaked from my fingers into stories dried up.

The Conductor’s Words solaced me. Peace filled my mind and I smiled at Him. I spake to her empty seat,

“Until we meet again.” Indeed. I have said this to a few, but my grief for them was short.

Sadly, for some others, farewell is forever.


“But now they desire a better country, that is, an heavenly: wherefore God is not ashamed to be called their God: for he hath prepared for them a city.”

Hebrews 11:16 KJV



~

Clarissa is a vessel used for Christ’s glory. Although she’d lived in four countries, Heaven is her only Home. She desires to sow His seeds, and to serve third culture kids, teens, and writers. Peek into her Christian TCK Email Ministry. Or read more posts.

One Word

Journal

Dear Friend,

It started with a word in my hands. One grew to two. Two increased to ten, and fifty proliferated to six thousand. I pressed them all in my fists. They felt good in my hands. They felt good with me.

The Conductor tapped on my carriage’s door. My trembling hands tightened their grasp, turning my knuckles white. The Conductor spoke. His Words pierced through my chest.

I gasped and opened my palms, releasing five thousand words, eight hundred words, and a hundred ninety-nine words. Finally. . .the last word,

Writer.

I gave it to Him.


Very Sincerely Yours,
Clarissa Choo-Choo Train

~

Clarissa is a vessel used for Christ’s glory. Although she’d lived in four countries, Heaven is her only Home. She desires to sow His seeds, and to serve third culture kids, teens, and writers. Peek into her Christian TCK Email Ministry. Or read more posts.